have a bandit day

Do you remember your first time? Shaky hands. Pounding heart. General look of bewilderment and awe. Despite all that, it just felt

…right. Kinda natural, you know?

Is that what it’s like the first time you quit Facebook, too?

It’s been a long week. I constantly stare at my screen. I slush through profiles and posts. I’ve had thoughts. Evil thoughts. There’s a few things we need to talk about.

I’m tired of reading tweets about your girlfriend/boyfriend/situation/pet rock.
I’m 24. I don’t want to go to your club party.
For the love of God, use spellcheck.
Unlock your tweets. They’re probably not that great, anyway.
Great abs. Now go put a shirt on.
“Gay” and “retarded” really means “homosexual” and “slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development”. Try using this instead.

Woooza. That feels good.

Also, quit losing your phone.

- bang.